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Friday, March 11th, 2005
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9:55 am
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HEY DUDES. NEW LJ. COMMENT TO BE ADDED AS MAH FRIEEEND. Or, I'll add you. <3's and stuff. Byeeeeeeeeeeee everyone!
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| Wednesday, March 9th, 2005
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9:17 pm - New scene makeover, yo
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Well, this is technically brainstorming. We studied the Writing Process in school and it said part of brainstorming is journaling. Okay, so they said 'free writing' but WHATEVER.
So, I'm going to write an essay to enter in a contest that will pay for my entire high school tuition if I win. Even though I already have half the tuition paid for, getting the rest paid off will be great and dandy.
So, I have to write in no less that 250 words about something that changed my life. I think I'm going to write about the autistic kid I babysit, Josh. I mean, out of all the five-minute inspirations I've gotten from things, none of them are enough. They changed me for a day, and then I kinda forgot about it. Which is why I had so much trouble listing... But, with Josh, I've really drastically changed - I've become more patient, more aware, quicker, and I think through my actions a little more. Josh's situation has made me realize how much some people with autistic children go through. It made me see a whole new side to Mrs. M. and Mackenzie. I mean, well, sorta with Mac. But, you see and feel a whole other side of life where they can't talk and communicate, and you don't know how to help.
current mood:  complacent
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| Saturday, March 5th, 2005
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10:13 am - Sick sick sick sick sick
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Bluuurg! I'm siiiick. I was almost all better last night, and then I was gonna go with someone to the Museum of Modern Art, but I had to wake up with a scritchy throat... and a stuffy nose. Plus, at like 4:00 I woke up from a really freaky dream, came downstiars crying and complaining how hot it was. It's still really hot, but I don't complain.
My mom and dad and all my other relatives were checking out a bar. I think we somehow know the owners (This may be inacurate, being as this information was easedropped) But, I do know that the band was thinking of playing there on St. Patty's day. Which'll suck, because where'll I go, then?? So, anyways...
Yea, I really wish this sickyness would go because my throat hurts everytime I yawn. Call me, plz, if you love me?
current mood:  sick
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| Tuesday, March 1st, 2005
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9:12 am
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SNOW DAY, BABY!!!
current mood:  jubilant
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| Saturday, February 26th, 2005
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6:52 pm
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I am 53% Geek. Nerd, Freak, Geek, Dweeb. Sound familiar? That's okay, cause I will be the richest person at my 15th year high school reunion. If a "con" isn't happening that weekend. |
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| Wednesday, February 23rd, 2005
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10:05 pm - ATTENTION: IMPORTANT ANNOUCEMENT:
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My hair is so damn short!!!!! >DDDD
current mood:  excited
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| Friday, February 18th, 2005
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1:36 pm - "This is so messed up."
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So, yeah. I'm like listening to emo music here in the computer room.... I wrote a really odd poem in class today... 75% of today was spent writing in my journal... It was fun ^__^. You know what? I really really want my daddy to come home early today so we can go to the Guitar Center to get a capo so I can play Greenday... And, I'll get some picks... And I really really want to find the music to Existentialism on Prom Night for piano!! I really really like that song...
You know something? I was thinking. No, I didn't hurt myself...
Anyways, I was thinking about what I want to do. Like, if there's anything other than art and music that I could engage a career in. I don't think my future majors in music. Like, I just have this feeling I won't be a pop star, music producer, or music teacher. I might mix the two, but I don't think I'd be able to do a hardcore music career. I think I'd like to mix the two... And writing. My mom had an idea, and I really liked it alot. But, I'm still just not sure...
Mel and Sith are singing Ashlee Simpson - it's just in the slightest bit creepy. But, besides the point... Mr. B. needs to stop twisting my words, because I'm not saying anything at all like he's saying out loud. COUGH STOP TWISTING MY WORDS COUGH.
Thankyou. You can't say anything if I don't type...
He's gone. Now he won't twist my words. Amen!
Annnnnnnnnyways. I'm going to New York tomorrow to see the... display... curtains... things... set up in Central Park. Then I totally want to walk around cuz I <3 New York... On Canal Street, there's a zillion cheap things that I can buy for under $10.
current mood:  silly
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| Tuesday, February 15th, 2005
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9:00 pm
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The University of Blogging
Presents to
OlivaBolivia
An Honorary
Bachelor of
Quiz Addiction
Majoring in
Gossip
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Blogging Degree
From Go-Quiz.com
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| Saturday, February 12th, 2005
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10:52 am - Decisions
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I've been thinking lately. A lot. At the conclusion of finishing my first written journal, I read through my entire journal. I looked at how much I changed and how different I am now than I was at the begining of the summer... It's wierd - I was really different. Well, at least I think I was. Mrs. Miller pointed this out to me; I've changed since the classical concert - I'm a different person. Now, she was talking about music, but she's right all around. I am sorta a different person.
I know this sounds a little like sad, but I kinda can't wait to get to all-girls school. Even if our class only has four boys, it's starting to get... annoying... with them... But I do need to meet more guys. The guys I know are few, and they're separated as follows: Guys from school/Guys from band/Guys from neighborhood/Christopher's friends...
Hey, Melanie, if you're reading this, CONSUELO!
But even though I have changed, I'd like to change some more. Like, I'm trying to define Melissa. I'm starting with music... Now, I do already like a lot of bands, but most of them are my parents' time... There's nothing wrong with that, but those are more part of my history. No, that's not right. They're some of the music I was brought up on. I was brought up on 1) Madonna 2) Showtunes 3) Old Rock. I need to start looking for bands that I really like. Plus, some of the modern ones that I am interested in, I only really looked at because 1) someone told me to 2) somebody else likes them 3) everybody else likes them... I need to start looking for bands that no one else like tells me to. Maybe I'll first see them with somebody else, but I'll continue listening... For example! Kaiser Cheifs. Courtney's house. Origionally, we only watched the video cuz the drummer was cute (which he is). Courtney said they're music sucks. But I liked it. So, when I'm done here, I'm going to go download some of their music. Music is where my life starts (XD) so I'll start defining myself there.
Also with art, though. I have been looking over at my easle and can't think of anything to draw. My new oil paints sit there unused. It's not that I don't want to use them, I'm just afraid of wasting them. I know, stupid right? I think I'm scared to wander from my favorite technique - just plain pencil drawing. I have these beautiful paints and pastels but I can't seem to get it in me to open them... Plus, lately, I've lost my inspiration. My spark. When I sit down at the easle and draw something, instead of it feeling like I've transformed the paper, it just looks like colors on white. I have to try to get my spark back...
And third, branching away from music and art! I love them both, but I need to find something else, too. It's not a crime to like these things, I know, but I want to try to diversify myself... Though, I think I'll wait till spring - it's too damn cold to try anything outside...
Well, I gotta clean my room... leave some love?
current mood:  determined
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| Friday, February 11th, 2005
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1:41 pm
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Carry on, carry on as if nothing really matters I love Queen. A lot. Don't diss Queen, Courtney, you know they rock.
Courtney: Queen sucks...
SHUT UP BLAAARRRRRG!
Anyways. Queen doesn't suck. Clifton high kids just haaad to go to Quebec. So now we have to wait to see the concert... SHUTUP MELANIE.
-sigh-
I'm exceptionally sugar high. Fare thee well, people of the bloggy things...
current mood:  mischievous
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| Saturday, February 5th, 2005
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1:21 pm
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YOUR SECRET NAME: (Name of first pet + Street you live on)
-Daisy Brookview
YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: (Favorite snack food + Grandfather's first name)
-Reeses Raymond
YOUR FASHION DESIGNER NAME: (First word you see on your left + favorite restaurant)
-Pillow West Park
EXOTIC FOREIGNER ALIAS: (Favorite Spice + Last Foreign Vacation Spot)
-Curry Wildwood
SOCIALITE ALIAS: (Silliest Childhood Nickname + Town Where You First Partied)
-MelMan Clifton
"FLY GIRL" ALIAS (a la J. Lo): (First Initial + First Two or Three Letters of your Last Name)
-M. Hof [Or M. Ho ;) ]
ICON ALIAS: (Something Sweet Within Sight + Any Liquid in Kitchen)
-Chocolate Wine
DETECTIVE ALIAS: (Favorite Baby Animal + Where You Went to High School)
-Dolfin Mt. St. Dominic (am going, rather)
BARFLY ALIAS: (Last Snack Food You Ate + Your Favorite Alcoholic Drink)
-Reeses Champainge
SOAP OPERA ALIAS: (Middle Name + Street Where You First Lived)
-Marie Lincoln
ROCK STAR ALIAS: (Favorite Candy + Last Name Of Favorite Musician)
-Reeses Hetfield
THE CONCERT IS TONIGHT! TONIGHT! WON'T BE JUST ANY NIGHT!
current mood:  bouncy
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| Thursday, February 3rd, 2005
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9:10 pm - HAPPINESS TO THE THENTH POWER!
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Soo sooo soooo happy!! Today was like soooo hardcore and fun!! I may have forgot Simon (the little cardboard version of him that we made along with a speech bubble with interchangeable sayings) but it was still sooo fun! This might have even been more fun than band!! I mean, like, normal everyone band! I am so happy to the tenth power!!
Okay, I'll start with lists:
NEW DISCOVERIES!
1) Connor is possibly the coolest person I have ever met
2) Slipknot comes from Iowa
3) It's always raining men in Connor's heart
4) You can never be too Metallica
5) Real hair is much much much better for Metallica than fake hair...
6) Never trust a guitar player to know where an E is on piano
Funny happenings:
1) No offense to them, but most of the time after Sara and Jake left
2) When I accidentally kicked the pencil when Kerry tossed it and Mrs. Miller was all "You will never be able to do that again!"
3) When Ryan was all "Oh spotlight on me rah rah blah blah" and I was like "Oh, so you want the spotlight to be on YOU only?!" and then he was like "nooo that's not what i meant!" and then I was like "I think the spotlight should be on me; I have Fade to Black perfect and I have REAL Metallica hair!!"
4) Following convo:
Mrs. Miller : It's Raining Men is done!
Connor: Noooo! It's Raining Men will never end!
Me: It'll live on in your heart Connor!
Connor: It will always rain men in my heart!
LOL
5) Patricia "They're talking about me...""They're still talking about me..."
6) Connor got his gum stuck in his wig
7) Jake putting on the afro and becoming "Gay Dictator"
8) "So, why are you here Jake?"
9) Courtney yelling things into the night!
current mood: bouncy
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| Wednesday, February 2nd, 2005
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10:51 pm - Smallville Season 2 on DVD calls to me...
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I really would put Smallville season 2 (on DVD, curtosy of Sitha) on, but my mom thinks I'm doing schoolwork, and if she heard Smallville, I'd be dead.
I had to write something to put on the tribute page. I wrote a letter, because I suck badly at poetry. So I wrote a letter. My mom was pleased. So I am too.
I'm in kinda a bad mood, but I think I need to get this out.
I feel like I do everything to please my mom. She knows how to manipulate me. She knows exactly what to say to get me to do something else. When she doesn't approve, I immediatly change for her. I feel like, if I don't please her, something will explode. And, yeah, I've confronted her about it. She says I should do things for myself. So I agree, thank her and leave. Yet, somehow, she still manages to control my every desicion. Like, in the morning yesterday, I had on red nailpolish with these awesome gold designs that took me till eleven to do. She said "you're wearing that to school?" and I was like "All the other girls get away with it, so I think I'll get away with it." "That's fine, I suppose..." and she said it in such a way, that I was like under some kind of spell and removed hours of work with a simple chemical compound.
Well, now that that's out of my system.
It's the last band tomorrow. Me and Court were gonna make a life-sized Simon. Well, he's only the size of a piece of computer paper and he's black and white. But, he's still cool. And we have little speech bubbles.
Oh my god. I have such a bad case of the shivers. They're not those little unnoticeable ones. They make me shudder violently. They make my head throb even more. Good night.
current mood:  terrible
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| Sunday, January 30th, 2005
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2:45 pm - So, today, in the car, I was thinking about emos...
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LOL I know right? I'm so wierd. Yesterday I was very emo, today I'm very... -shrugs- wierdo? Yeah, okay. So anyways. So, during the car ride to some odd German resturant, I was thinking about boys. XD I know, right? Very something or other... Anyways. Because in the car last night Ange, Meg, Laura, and Stephanie were talking about there taste in guys. And I was all "Um, rockerboys..." XD But, in the car I was thinking of allllll of the kinds of guys I wouldn't mind dating. 1) "Rockerboys" - dudes who have longish (but not longer than shoulders) hair OR play instrament like guitar, bass, or keyboards, but are like in a band. Like, a rockin band! XDD 2) Poet - poet seem to be very... romantic. They write poetry in Starbucks on napkins and sometimes they even write poetry for you. They are also often well-read and literary. n dun speek lyke dis onlyne 3) EMO BOYS - despite my many proclomations of hatred towards emo music, I'm giving it another chance and liking it. And along with it I have discovered emo boys. Emo boys seem like they'll be loyal and happy. Then when/if you break up with them, they write songs about you!!! They may write songs during the actual relationship, but it's so cool to say like when they're famous "HEY that song is about me!!" 4) Artist types - Gotta love an artist. Creative and a little wierd sometimes, they're so cool...
This was by far my most shallow entry and is not to be taken the wrong way.
current mood:  ditzy
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11:00 am - He cut his hair...
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I can't believe he let her do it. I told him he looks like a cool rock star with his long hair, but no. He has to look professional. So my dad let my mom cut of his wonderful cool hair. Daaaaaammmmiiiit. I want his longish hair back . I keep telling him to keep it, but he continues to ignore me!!
-major sadface-
As you can tell, I've basically recovered from my emotional burst.
current mood:  sad
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| Saturday, January 29th, 2005
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10:27 pm - When you know somethings wrong...
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I'm listening to this song. I'm a friggin hypocrite, right? I mean, I diss bands before I listen to them, and then when I actually do listen to them, I figure out I like them, but don't tell anyone because they'll think I only like them now because so-and-such does. Or they'll just think I'm a fsckin idiot.
I am not in a good mood. I should be; I was just shopping. Then I forgot my wallet, and I blew. I acted like it was fine, but it wasn't. It was the icing on my cake of misery. I wanted to get stuff for once, and I had a lot of money, but no. I was an idiot. As usual.
I sometimes wish I could throw out Melissa. Get rid of her. Start all over. The only thing I would miss would be my friends. Seriously. With all of my problems.
Now, wait. Before I continue, if anyone here is going to say "Oh get the fsck over yourself, Melissa. You're such a drama queen," GO AWAY. I don't need critisim, I need to let off steam and I need some... support. Sorry, I know in the back of my head I really am a fsckin drama queen, but I can't tolerate it being told to me by every one else. Don't tell me the truth - the truth is a knife right now, and by telling me it, you're plunging it into my heart.
I have issues that may not be big, but to me, they are. I am not the wieght I should be. I try, I really do. But the most I've lost in a month and a half is five pounds. Five lousy pounds. I only really pig out when I'm at a friend's house or lunch. Normally, I eat a very small breakfast and dinner. Sometimes, like tonight, I only have an apple for dinner because I just can't keep it down knowing how much that'll add to my already large theighs.
I am so emotionally imbalanced, it's unusual. I mean, seriously, I'm not even talking about PMS or whatever. I have the worst temper, and I'm really violent. I mean, like I don't know what to do when I get mad. If I try to calm down by playing the piano, my mom has to use the phone. If I want to scream into a pillow, my mom thinks that there's something seriously wrong with me. If I throw my stuffed animals around my room, Raymond comes in and gets hit by one and tells. I have to way to express my anger - nothing works, and nothing ever will.
Nobody likes me anymore. People are telling me that I need to change. My mother tells me to go back to the old Melissa. Mrs. D. asks if I'm okay - that I'm not acting like myself, lately. GET THE FSCK OVER IT. This is how I am now. Accept it. I cannot change because someone tells me to. I don't know what flaws they see in me, but I don't quite know how and if I could change them.
My other emotional state. It is truly crushing to have a crush, you know that? Especially when you can't get out of it. No matter how many methods you try, no matter how many "I'm so over you" letters you write, it won't go away. It's well crushing. It's slowly making me more and more sad.
Mrs. Zappile told us we don't need our parents anymore. My mom told me I can function basically on my own now. I don't. I need a big hug and a mug of hot chocolate. I need somebody to tell me that everything's going to be just fine, and that I just have to hold on, 'cause it'll all fall back into place. All I get nowadays is repremanding and scornful looks. No hugs. No hot chocolate. I know that sounded stupid, but I do. Everyone else gets a mother who cares. I get one who hates me. I want my old mommy back. And I want her to like "New Melissa"
I wish I could fast forward or rewind. If I could fast-forward, it'd be to when I'm still single, but living on my own with a piano. I need to play the piano badly. I need some new sheet music to a melancholy or soulful song to learn. But I can't. Because I have no time to play. If I could rewind, I'd go way back, when I though boys were icky and that pink was only my favorite color if Megan and Andrea liked it, too. Or maybe it was the other way around.
Thanks and love to everyone who cares enough to read this.
current mood:  crushed
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| Friday, January 28th, 2005
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3:19 pm
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I think I'm going to ask my dad if he can teach me this song on piano. Oh, that's right, I almost forgot, he probably doesn't have time. And neither do I. Sometimes I wish I could just stop everything, get all my stuff done, and then press play again -
Sorry, took a minute to write poem; got inpiration...
- anyways, what was I saying? Oh, yeah. And then I could press play and be all I'm done and I can help when people ask me to without worring about where the hell I'll get the time to do all my other stuff.
I'm so tired. Mrs. Zappile is right; we don't get enough sleep. Or at least I don't. Last night I stayed up late trying to get some more added on to my song-in-progress. I have to get the Zaps together (you two better be reading this!) together so we collaborate our ideas for this song... Well, I sorta have like cord-like things to put to the verses- if the verses ever get written...
Unfortunatly, creative song writing isn't quite on the top of my to-do list... I have to do this damn Social Studies Street Fair... And then I have to get together some stuff for Sithra's Culture Day thing tomorrow.
Then, lesse... I have to straighten up my room... well, actually, it isn't that bad... But, if I tell my mom I'm cleaning my room, I can put Smallville on the laptop or practice guitar, or try to see what kind of funky noises I can make on my mini-keyboard... It has all these funky sound settings...
I also have to make two birthday presents... Nany's and Carolyn's. And I have to make Carolyn's by Sunday... I think I know what I'll do for hers, but I have no idea what to do for my Nany... I was thinking of making a pillow and stuffing it with lavender... Or, if it's on DVD, getting her season 1 of Joan of Arcadia so she can watch the episodes she missed...
Nany's Aniversary party is gonna be really really big this year; my Aunt Jean told me at Mrs. Millers... During Chris and Scott's lesson, she came upstairs to teach me the harmonies to When Will I Be Loved, and she said if I'm good enough by her party, we can sing it for her... I though she meant we were having it at their house, or technically the Cummings's and the Hoffman's (my Uncle lives there two - it's a two-family house) and we'd do it for her in the studio. But it turns out we're having a giant fiesta at this resturant and the Late Show is playing. She said that everyone was coming, so I really hope that means Stephanie is coming... I miss her so much, I haven't seen her in like forever... It's in April, though, so I'll have to wait for like EVER.
MELANIE, GO HERE FOR PICTURES OF KENYA IF YOU'RE READING THIS: http://www.abri-photos.com.fr/Kenya/kenya%20les%20pages/kenya%20001.html
REMINDER TO SELF: GO HERE FOR PEACE PRAYER FOR MADAGASCAR: http://www1.ocn.ne.jp/~infinite/pages/Madagascar.htm
As I'm observing it, I note again that the rooster's head is missing on my zodiac bracelet. This is a bad omen. I don't normally believe in omens and whatnot, but this year is the year of the rooster, and my rooster charm broke.
In a matter of ten minutes, I have wrote a longer entry than I normally do in an hour...
current mood:  distressed
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| Monday, January 24th, 2005
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5:01 pm
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Okay, I have a very odd quetsion. That I might get questioned about - no, nevermind... ANYWAYS. Okay, so, hypathetically, say you liked this guy for a really really long time. This year, a lot of people (too many gorf) know. Say you write a confession-letter-like-thing... If you know you're probably not going to see him again, you know he's two years older, has a girlfriend and is TOTALLY out of your reach, would you still send it on the last day you're going to see him like at the last minute of the thing slip it in his guitar case and put on the front 'read-in-private'?
Would you send it under those circumstances???
-dies of confusion and emotion-
thankies <3
current mood: unsure...
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| Saturday, January 22nd, 2005
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12:50 pm - A girl's guitar is just another good vibration...
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I am torn in half. I really really really don't know where to go. I'm going to make a pro and con list...
DEPAUL
+co-ed
-very big and not as like... nice as the mount
+latin club
+PC tablets
-No scholarship test
MOUNT SAINT DOMINIC
-all girls
+really great arts (music, art, dance, plays) program
+brother school
+anime club ^_^
+can take college courses and put credit to whatever college you go to
-No Latin classes
-no tablet PC
Well, the Mount I seem to have a lot more to say about... I really don't know!!!! AAARRRRGGG -bashed head into laptop keyboard- DAAAMMMIIIIT!
current mood: cold
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| Friday, January 21st, 2005
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7:16 pm - Taken from my Myspace thing...
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Being insulted is funny...
Funny, in this sense, means 'interesting' as opposed to 'haha'. I was just recently insulted, and truthfully, at first I was like "aw, whatever screw it..." and shrugged it off. Then, now, when I have important things to worry about, it stays in my mind... Go figure...
Worst part is, the insult was right. And that was what triggered the silent waterworks...
Hm. Anyways... In more recent (like thirty minutes) news, I got accepted into DePaul and got the scholarships blah blah yada yada. So now I'm torn between the Mount and DePaul. Maybe, I should just forget about the Catholic schools and go to PV. Then again, people might call me a poser or loser there ^_^.
Well, I'm going to go wallow in my poser-loserness...
current mood:  dazed and confused
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olivabolivia's journal